Peace Talks Blog

Mediation Training Reviews: Center for Civic Mediation & Peace Talks Mediation

Mediation Training Reviews: Center for Civic Mediation (live) and Peace Talks Mediation Services DVDs

© 2013 Janae M. Monroe

Last October, I participated in my first Mediation Training through the Center for Civic Mediation. The Thirty-Hour Basic Mediation Training, which had about 20 people from various professions and practice areas, took place over five days in Santa Monica. It was broken down into a morning and afternoon session, each focusing on a different aspect of the mediation process from initial client contact all the way through resolution.

Center For Civic Mediation Basic Mediation Training Highlights:

• Role Plays gave me (and everyone) actual mediation experience
• Multi-disciplinary

What I Wished Was Different:

• So general it was perhaps a little too general
• Some class participants detracted from the experience by working on other projects on laptops and smart phones

            I enjoyed the Mediation training because each instructor used different mediums to teach us. There were PowerPoint presentations and role plays, movies and small group discussions. (There were even Seinfeld clips) The instructors weren’t just talking at you, they were engaging you in the process. One of the instructors, Gail Nugent, was extremely engaging with her personal stories and class-participating brainstorms. I also liked the small-group interdisciplinary discussions.

            What I didn’t like about the training was the generalizing. While it touched on every step in the process, it wasn’t tailored specifically to Family Law, which I am interested in. There were times I lost interest because I didn’t think the lesson applied to me. However, in defense of this particular training, they didn’t advertise it being practice specific.

The Thirty-Hour Basic Mediation Training fulfills the training requirements of the California Dispute Resolution Programs Act, which is as close as California gets to a mediation certification (there is currently no mediator certification in California). If you would like more information please contact http://centerforcivicmediation.org/.

Around the same time I was enrolled in the Center for Civic Mediation’s Course, I was taking a Family Law Training Course at home through DVDs produced by Diana Mercer of Peace Talks Mediation Services (disclaimer: I work at Peace Talks). This program was comprehensive, thorough and easy to follow. The training really outlined in extreme detail, not only the mediation process but the different approaches and options of the mediation process. There was even a manual that helps you along the way and provides templates for implementing this training in your practice.

Peace Talks Mediation DVD Family Law Mediation Highlights:

• Manual was very helpful
• Subject-matter specific

What I Wished Was Different:

• You don’t get role play experience when you watch a DVD
• If you didn’t remember where you stopped a DVD, you had to being at the beginning again. DVDs did not hold your place when you stopped them
• Picture resolution was good, but whoever filmed the DVDs sometimes forgot to move the camera so you get awkward body part shots instead of people’s faces at times

The most beneficial part of Peace Talks’ training was the detail. It answered all of the questions I could ever imagine asking. It addressed mediation from every discipline – legal, financial and psychological and also anticipated the needs and interest of the clients, which I found to be the most helpful.

The goal of mediation is to be able to get the parties to come to an agreement. In order to do this you need to be able to connect with your client. Peace Talks Mediation Training gives you the tools to do that by starting each session with a psycho-legal intake, giving you tips on how to listen actively and even how to deal with a client that wants to walk out.

After completing both mediation trainings, I would say that doing both almost simultaneously was a good choice. With the Center of Civic Mediation, I got the basic structure of the mediation process and doing a class with others allowed me to see how to approach situations from different disciplines. The Peace Talks Mediation Training put the basic training from the Center of Civic Mediation into a family law perspective and filled in the details and substance. If you are new to mediation, I would recommend doing the training at the Center of Civic Mediation to get a point of reference before delving into a specialty area. If you have some mediation experience, I would recommend going straight through the Peace Talks Mediation Training. Both are resourceful, complete and engaging forms of Mediation training.

 

Janae M. Monroe is a trained mediator with her mediation certificate from the Center for Civic Mediation. In her role, Janae provides client support, convenes mediation sessions, and assists in the preparation of legal documents. Her encyclopedic knowledge of the California and Los Angeles Family Law rules and procedures makes her a real asset to Peace Talks. Outgoing and down-to-earth, she helps clients get through the maze of legal forms in a way that's easy to understand and efficient. Prior to her work with Peace Talks, Janae served as a law clerk with Weidmann & Yun PC. She a graduate of Loyola Marymount.

Janae is headed to law school and her career goal is to become a Judge.

The Very Real Danger of Divorce

http://huffingtonpost.com/diana-mercer

If you've watched more than one episode of Dateline, you know that almost all one-on-one, non-gang related shootings are family members shooting other family members.

I know what you're thinking. You think I'm being dramatic.  I'm not.  We only hurt the ones we love, and sometimes that includes firearms. Particularly during a divorce or separation, or custody battle.

On October 12, 2011, a gunman wearing body armor went into a beauty salon in sleepy Dana Point, California, and shot 8 people.   According to Wikipedia, the suspected shooter was involved in a contested custody battle with his former wife, who worked at the salon.

On October 21, 2011, "a mother in suburban Dallas fatally shot her 7-year-old son and then killed herself... as police waited outside with her estranged husband, who was there to pick up the child after receiving court-ordered custody.... The father had been given sole custody of the boy after an acrimonious and drawn-out divorce."

December 24, 2008, a man dressed as Santa Claus went to his former in-laws' home and killed 9 people, including his former wife (they'd been divorced 6 days before) at a Christmas party. He had no record and no history of violence. [I just Googled "Santa Claus shooting" and multiple entries for multiple cities showed up.]

A week before his divorce trial was set to begin, on October 18, 2011, "Samuel Friedlander, by appearances a successful lawyer [in Westchester, New York]... killed his wife and children before shooting himself.... As the trial grew closer, acquaintances told investigators, Mr. Friedlander's behavior became erratic.... Michael Borg, 47, who went to law school with Mr. Friedlander, said his friend had complained that his wife was controlling and emotionally abusive. 'He was depressed,' Mr. Borg said. 'He was beaten, and his big fear was that she was going to take the kids away.'"

If you don't get upset about family problems, it seems to me that you don't get upset.

It's not a mystery why most courthouse shootings are in family court, not criminal court.

When you're talking about a divorce, you're talking about everything that means anything at all in the world to you:  your children, your future, your home, your dreams for your marriage, what you thought you believed about love.

The opposite of love isn't hate. It's "I don't care."  And the intimate partner violence statistics support that statement very vividly.

But getting to the "I don't care" stage in a divorce is often a long time coming.  Some people never move through the 5 stages of grief:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance to a point where they get to "I don't care."  For some, the divorce simply consumes their lives and prevents them from moving productively into the future.   For others, it results in tragedy with much higher stakes.

And the upset and despair that one feels while getting divorced transcends all socio-economic bounds. We suffer alike. No amount of money can soothe the wounds.  The death of a dream of a life together as a happy couple and family hurts us all to the core.

I became a divorce mediator and quit my litigation practice when I saw the death and destruction that litigated divorces caused. And I'm not exaggerating.  I had a custody battle client who killed herself, and client's estranged wife who attempted suicide after I got a winning Judgment against her in a divorce matter.  If half of the US married population goes through a divorce, I knew there had to be a better way.

They don't give you a mental exam before you get married (although plenty of people wonder what they were thinking after the ceremony).  We can't predict how people will react when the going gets tough.  <strong>But we can take better care of ourselves</strong> in a divorce situation. 

We can understand that:

•  A divorce is not the end of the world

• A divorce is not a commentary on our character
• Sometimes marriages just don't work out, and it's nobody's fault
• You can celebrate the good times in your marriage and remember it was not always a tense battlefield
• You can focus on your children and their wellbeing
• You can treat the other person with respect and kindness, even if they don't deserve it at the moment
• You can stop blame, shame and guilt, and just move on from here

 And to stay out of legal trouble, you can:

• Get mental health counseling when you need support
• Ask for help from sensible friends, family members, and professionals
• Take a co-parenting class or see a co-parenting counselor or coach if you're struggling with the adjustment from between being co-parents and marital partners
• Use a Divorce Mission Statement to stay on the right path
• Mediate your divorce instead of litigate
• Work with a collaborative divorce team to resolve issues if mediation doesn't world
• Ask for help when you need it

Although the mass murder example is extreme, it's all too common.  We don't need to suffer like this, and we don't need to do this to each other.

 

Diana Mercer is an Attorney-Mediator and the founder of Peace Talks Mediation Services, . She is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Penguin/Perigee 2010), Your Divorce Advisor:  A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001) and 8 Simple Keys to Building and Growing Your Mediation or Arbitration Practice (Peace Talks Press 2011).  Diana also writes for the Huffington Post as well as her own blog Making Divorce Work.

Why You Should Come to This Collaborative Training

Streamlined Collaborative Practice Protocols Training June 6-8, 2013

Skirball Center

Los Angeles, CA

The Marina Collaborative Divorce Practice Group along with Co-Sponsor, the Southern California Mediation Association, are excited to announce our upcoming Three-Day Collaborative Practice Training June 6-8, 2013  in Los Angeles, California at the beautiful Skirball Center.    

Why this training is different: This training is one of a kind.  It’s being designed specifically for OUR GROUP. The trainers are tailoring their materials and presentation specifically based on what we’ve requested so that this training will be great for everyone interested in Collaborative Practice.

This training is meant for practitioners new to collaborative practice and especially previously trained practitioners to learn the new streamlined protocols and to practice team building and delineation of the roles and responsibilities of each professional.

The collaborative Team is the magic of collaborative law. Too many of us bypass the protocols and collaborative enrollment process thinking that we’re saving clients time and money, when in reality we’re not using Collaborative Practice to its full benefit.

Many other collaborative trainings don’t teach the importance of teams and how each professional plays an integral and powerful role as a team member.  The team is greater than the sum of its professionals.  The power for each professional is not in the individual power and control like in a traditionally litigated case—it’s in maximizing your effectiveness by working  as a collaborative team in an integrated way…..and in which  everyone else is bringing the same level of energy and commitment.

Should I come?

• If you are interested in adding Collaborative Practice to your existing practice, you should come
• If you’re already trained in Collaborative Practice models but have never seen the speakers, you should come
• If you’re already trained in Collaborative Practice but don’t typically follow all of the protocols because they seem cumbersome and expensive, you should come
• If you’re interested in Collaborative Practice and would like to meet other professionals who work in this model, come and network as well as learn some new skills
• If you believe that the court budget cuts will be pushing middle-class to the extremely wealthy out of the court system and into private systems like Collaborative Divorce, you should come
• If you realize that the old model of hiring a couple of lawyers and filing a bunch of stuff in court is now the legal equivalent to the Palm Pilot in the electronic gadget world
• If you need 20 units of CEUs or MCLE credits and can spare 3 days (one Saturday), these credits are $45 each if you register early. That’s pretty inexpensive, particularly for attorney MCLE credits

Don’t come if:

• You don’t really intend to add Collaborative Practice to your practice and you don’t need the CEU units, because refining your existing skills to Collaborative Practice is going to take commitment.
• You’re doing it just because all the other cool kids are doing it. Building a successful Collaborative Practice is going to take energy and enthusiasm. If you’re a tag-along, you’re wasting your time (unless you just need CEU credits).

More information click here. 

And if that wasn’t persuasive enough:

• The 4 trainers on this program are internationally recognized as top experts in Collaborative Practice
• They’re probably speakers you haven’t heard before. If you skip this training, you’ll probably have to travel to see them because they’re coming from 3 different states to do this training here in LA
• The difference between this training, and some other local trainings (ahem)  is that these practitioner-trainers are extremely advanced and offer a much higher level of sophistication of training than is offered most places
• Many local practitioners work “in collaborative fashion” but don’t actually adhere to the protocols…..not realizing that by trying to save money by eliminating the protocols and some of the professionals in the team that they’re costing their clients money (stepping over a quarter to pick up a nickel!)
• To work in true Collaborative Practice, you need to shift your thinking to building and improving team function and efficiency rather than taking everything on yourself

To Register click here.

twitter.com/MCollaborative #peaceofmind
facebook.com/collaborativepractice

 

Why This Collaborative Training is Different

Streamlined Collaborative Practice Protocols Training June 6-8, 2013

Skirball Center

Los Angeles, CA

The Marina Collaborative Divorce Practice Group along with Co-Sponsor, the Southern California Mediation Association, are excited to announce our upcoming Three-Day Collaborative Practice Training June 6-8, 2013  in Los Angeles, California at the beautiful Skirball Center.    

Why this training is different: This training is one of a kind designed specifically for OUR GROUP (yes, they are tailoring their materials and presentation specifically for our needs!)

This is not some canned presentation, or a couple of people you’ve heard speak 1000 times.

It’s designed for previously trained practitioners to learn the new streamlined protocols, practice team building and for practitioners new to collaborative practice.

Many other collaborative trainings don’t teach the importance of teams. The Team is the magic of collaborative law, and each professional plays an integral and powerful role as a team member.  The team is greater than the sum of the parts. 

The power for each professional is not in the individual power and control like in a traditionally litigated case—it’s in maximizing your effectiveness by working in true collaborative fashion in an integrated team where everyone else is bringing the same commitment and energy.

More information click here. 

Trainers’ Biographies

Andrew Hoffman  

Andrew has practiced as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst since 1999.   His expertise in helping clients avoid the common financial mistakes made by many divorcing couples was featured in the Investment Advisor “The Ties that Unbind” (February 2001) and the Wall Street Journal “How to Plan the Perfect Divorce” (February 2003) and “Cost of a Breakup” (July 2006).

Andrew is a member, chairman of the Editorial Committee of the Advisory Steering Committee and was a Regional Director (2002-2011) of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts, has been a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ certificant since 1996 and a Chartered Accountant (English equivalent of a CPA) since 1978. 

Andrew has presented on Financial Issues related to Divorce in the United States, England, Australia and Canada, at International Conferences of Collaborative Professionals, the Institute of Divorce Financial Analyst Conventions, to Financial Planning Associations in Louisiana, Massachusetts, Texas and Iowa, the Baton Rouge, Slidell and 21^st Judicial District Bar Associations in Louisiana, the Arizona State Bar and Conflict Resolution’s 1999 & 2000 family law mediation seminars.

Andrew was trained in Collaborative Divorce in April 2004 (New Orleans), has been a trainer on Interdisciplinary Collaborative Divorce Trainings in the United States, Canada and Australia and completed Basic Divorce Mediation Training in 2010.  He is a Board Member and Treasurer of the Collaborative Divorce Professionals Group of Arizona, was previously a Charter Member and Vice President (2005-2006) of the Collaborative Divorce Alliance of Greater New Orleans and is currently the Treasurer of the Northshore Collaborative Divorce Group and the Louisiana Chapter of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts.  He was featured in The Times-Picayune “Law may clear way for kinder, gentler divorces” (February 2004) and Financial Advisor “A Kindler Gentler Way to Divorce, (July 2005).  

Andrew can be reached at <lacdfa@bellsouth.net>, Louisiana 985-674-1120, Arizona 480-382-6490, and through his website <www.noladivorcedollar.com>.

Ellie Izzo, PhD, LPC

Dr. Ellie Izzo has been in clinical practice for over thirty years.  She developed the Rapid Advance Process, a standardized five session brief model of counseling which was presented at the American Counseling Association convention in Atlanta in 1993 and again in Honolulu in 2008. She is the author of The Bridge to I Am: Rapid Advance Psychotherapy, co-author of Second-Hand Shock™ and The After Shock Workbook™. She is co-director of the Vicarious Trauma Institute and Collaborative Divorce Institute and presents/trains extensively on the subjects.

Ellie conducts all phases of psychotherapy and counseling. She also serves as a Collaborative Divorce Trainer, Divorce Coach, Child Specialist and Team Manager in the process of Collaborative Divorce, whereby an interdisciplinary team of professionals helps a couple move through divorce respectfully, without litigating. Ellie helped launch the first IACP Institute as a lead trainer in their Basic Training. She has also served on their Training Task Force in 2012.

Ellie presents for various conferences and conventions. She writes a monthly blog at docellie.com. She hosted a call-in radio show in Phoenix and served as Self-Help Editor for a nationally syndicated trade magazine. Ellie has served as the psychology advisor for AZ Teen Magazine. She runs several ongoing groups called the Encouragers, where people meet to offer each other peace, support and acceptance. 

Ellie is a member of the American Psychological Association, the American Counseling Association, the American Mental Health Counselors Association, the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, Arizona Collaborative Colleagues and Collaborative Divorce Professionals of Arizona. She is married with children and grandchildren. Her office is located in Scottsdale, Arizona. She can be reached by email at <ellieizzo@vicarioustrauma.com>.

Vicki Carpel Miller, BSN, MS, LMFT

Vicki Carpel Miller is co-founder and a core trainer with the Collaborative Divorce Team Trainings, Collaborative Divorce Institute, and the Vicarious Trauma Institute, introducing the Rapid Advance Process for building higher thinking skills. She is co-author of Second Hand Shock: Surviving and Overcoming Vicarious Trauma, and The Second-Hand Shock Workbook; Just Stop Eating That; Just Stop Picking Losers and Just Stop Doing That. Vicki is the co-founder of Collaborative Divorce Professionals of Arizona and functions as a Divorce Coach, Child Specialist and/or Case Manager in Collaborative Divorce files. She has been training Lawyers, Mental Health and Financial Professionals in the Full Team Model of Interdisciplinary Collaborative Divorce for over a decade throughout the United States, Canada and in Australia, and was instrumental in designing the Full Team and Streamlined Protocols for Collaborative Practice.  Vicki is a past Board Member and current professional member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) and served on several committees including Standards, Core Institute, Forum Planning and the original Advisory Council on Training and Practice to the IACP. She is a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT), the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC), and an Advanced Practitioner Member of the Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR). Vicki has received advanced training in Family Mediation, Narrative Mediation, Interest-Based Negotiation, High Conflict Personalities, Collaborative Family Law, Collaborative Law in Trusts and Estates, and Collaborative Divorce Interdisciplinary Team Practice, as well as designing curriculum for Introductory, Advanced and Training the Trainers in Full Team Collaborative Divorce. She has offices in Phoenix and Scottsdale, Arizona, and can be reached at <collaborate119@aol.com>.

George B. Richardson, JD, CFLS

George is a pioneer in Collaborative Practice, having handled scores of collaborative matters. As a charter member of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals and as a former co-chair of the IACP Standards Committee, he was a principle drafter of IACP’s standards with respect to Collaborative ethics, practitioners, trainers, and trainings. He is also founder and former co-chair of the IACP’s Advisory Council on Collaborative Training. Since 1999, he, together with others, has trained Collaborative practitioners in the United States, Canada, and Australia through fundamental and advanced courses in Collaborative Practice. George is a founder and former President of Collaborative Practice Silicon Valley, one of the oldest collaborative law organizations in North America. He was among the first recipients of the Eureka Award, given by Collaborative Practice California to recognize those who “have made significant contributions and demonstrated an abiding dedication to establishing and sustaining Collaborative Practice in California". He is a founding member of CP Cal’s Board of Directors and its third President.  George received his BA from Princeton University in 1969 and his JD from Stanford Law School in 1972. The California State Bar Board of Legal Specialization certifies him as a Specialist in Family Law.

Rated “A/V (Preeminent: 5.0 out of 5)” by Martindale-Hubbell, an independent organization that has rated Lawyers’ ethical standards and professional ability for over 115 years and, since 2005, he has been identified as a “Super Lawyer” in Northern California by Super Lawyers, an independent service rating Lawyers’ professional achievement and peer recognition.

For more information click here and check out our co-sponsor, SCMA here. 

twitter.com/MCollaborative #peaceofmind
facebook.com/collaborativepractice

 

 

Streamlined Collaborative Practice Protocols Training June 6-8, 2013

Streamlined Collaborative Practice Protocols Training June 6-8, 2013

Skirball Center

Los Angeles, CA

 

I’ve had a few people ask if it’s “worth it” to come to the Streamlined Collaborative Practice Protocols Training June 6-8, 2013.  I wouldn’t plunk down $895-$1395 (depending on when you register) without asking a few questions, either.

For Registration Click Here

Here are the questions which would be on my mind if I wasn’t involved in organizing this training:

• Why 3 whole days?
• Why is this training different than the million trainings I’ve already been to?
• Who the heck are these speakers? 
• Should I come?

Why does it take 3 days?

• Day one, you hear the information and learn
• Day two, you experience how the new information works in practice
• Day three, you reflect and debrief.  It’s in the debrief that the magic happens, and when you see the power in your role.  It’s on day 3 that the shift takes place

Why is this training different than the million trainings I’ve already been to? [And never mind that I’ve practiced a zillion years]

This training is different because of its focus on the team and how each professional can contribute to making the team greater than the sum of it’s parts.

Let’s face it—how many times have you heard “collaborative” practitioners say things like “I work collaboratively already,” or “we don’t do all the collaborative paperwork, but still hold joint meetings,” or “I practice “small c” collaborative.”  It’s all about the buzz words, and not so much about true benefits that Collaborative Practice has to offer.

 

What if they knew that by better utilizing their team that they’d do a better job, save the clients time and money, and actually enjoy the process more?

Collaborative Practice has been around for awhile now and it’s not going anywhere. It’s time to elevate your understanding of how it’s optimally practiced….and time to up your game.

This Streamlined Protocols training is about:

• Understanding why the team is important—and why it’s different than simply “working collaboratively”
• How to build a team
• How to make your team work efficiently for optimum practice
• How each type of professional can elevate his or her contributions to the team to resolve the case in a sane, sensible and fair way for everyone involved
• Learn what the other professionals are expected to bring to the team and how to rely on their contributions
• Integrate the importance of each team member’s role in educating and preparing the client so that the joint meetings are optimally effective

As it turns out, you don’t save money by eliminating team members. You save clients money by working in true team fashion using streamlined collaborative protocols.

Trainers will teach each professional how best to prepare the clients so that optimum progress can be made in the group meetings and case overall.

By the end of this training, you’ll leave transformed and ready to work in a true multi-disciplinary collaborative team.

You’ll be your best professional self in helping families re-define their relationships as they dissolve the marriage.

More information click here. 

Some of the training will be in the large group, but a full day and a half will be in break-out sessions organized by profession. 

• Attorneys
• Therapist-Coaches
• Financial Neutrals

For Attorneys:  George B. Richardson, JD, CFLS will work with the attorneys on how to shift from being in charge of the case to being a consultant and without feeling the need to control the process.  In a solid collaborative team, you can rely on the other professionals to do their jobs. When everyone understands their roles and functions, teams operate efficiently and optimally for settlement.

Lawyers:  How many times have you told yourself “I could do this by myself a lot faster.  Why doesn’t anyone else do their job?”  The streamlined collaborative protocols make this thought obsolete. When you work as a true team, you don’t have to do it by yourself.  Your team makes your personal performance better than you could do on your own.

For Coaches:    Ellie Izzo, Ph.D., LCP and Vicki Carpel Miller, BSN, MS, LMFT will work with therapist-coaches on facilitating communication not only with clients but also with the larger group.  Much of the focus will be on how to help get the clients out of their emotional state and into their cognitive brain state so they can work effectively in the team meetings.

Coaches:  How many times have you wondered, “What’s my role as a coach contrasted with my therapist training? What’s too much therapy, and what’s not enough?”  This training will teach you how to prepare your clients for attending group meetings and getting clients emotionally prepared and ready to settle when the agreement is right.  You’ll learn how to help the clients be ready emotionally to make decisions.  The coaches are at their best when they are helping the client learn to differentiate between the emotional feelings of the divorce (blaming, punishing, processing grief) and what’s required of them to make a durable agreement that’s in their family’s collective best interests.

For Financial Neutrals:  Trainer Andrew Hoffman will stress the important of making the financial professionals the core of the team, encouraging them to step up and put themselves out for the good of the team.

• In addition to the role of financial neutral for the clients, the financial can also assist the team when the professionals encounter inter-professional conflict.

• The financial cannot be afraid to immerse themselves into the clients’ lives in order to help empower clients to take control of their financial situation and make good decisions.

• When the financial is actively involved, he or she can help set the agenda and make sure that it’s full of meaningful, high-level issues, and not frequent flier miles and used cars.

• Andrew also uses technology strategically and will show how technology can streamline the process.

• At this training, financial neutrals will learn how to own their role in the team and use their neutrality to everyone’s advantage.

Financial neutrals:  How many times have you wondered, “What’s my role here? I see things I could do to help here, but I’m concerned it might not be my place. How far should I go?” or “I need to wait for the attorneys to tell me what to do.”  You don’t need to wonder about that in collaborative teams: I know what I’m supposed to do, I do it, and it strengthens the team and makes a more durable settlement.

By the end of this training, you’ll leave transformed and ready to work in a true multi-disciplinary collaborative team.

You’ll be your best professional self in helping families re-define their relationships as they dissolve the marriage

More information click here. 

twitter.com/MCollaborative #peaceofmind
facebook.com/collaborativepractice

 

Choose How Confrontational Your Divorce Will Be

Divorce Resolution Continuum

By Diana Mercer, Attorney-Mediator, copyright 2013

 

The decision to divorce is followed by a number of choices for how a case might be filed and later resolved.  Some of the steps are a loop, and others may be mixed and matched, but the general continuum, from least confrontational to most confrontational, is:

 

• Decision to Divorce

• No response:  spouse ignores petition, or is missing = proceed by Default

• Kitchen Table discussion on how to resolve case, do-it-yourself divorce paperwork

• See a lawyer, get an idea of rights, then resolve around the Kitchen Table and DIY

• Use a paralegal or one lawyer to draft the papers, no individual representation

• Unbundled legal services:  one or both parties hire an attorney by the hour to do just the tasks the client needs done

• Individual representation with lawyer for one party only who helps parties settle informally, without court

• Mediation

• Mediation with lawyers involved, to a more or lesser degree  *

• Collaborative Divorce

• Start litigation

• Litigation at first but ultimately settle

• Litigation at first, but use Private Judge or Arbitrator for final decision

• Litigation and Trial

 

*  Referring to collaborative lawyers for independent consultations and representation for individual clients in mediated cases may be a bridge between mediation and collaborative law. There’s also less of a chance that a collaborative lawyer will derail the mediation process.  The collaborative lawyer acting as independent counsel in a mediation might also have a retainer agreement and independent counsel agreement that follows the collaborative law model in that the mediation won’t be derailed in favor of litigation, and that the client will be expected to remain in mediation until settlement is reached.

 

Low Cost Mediation Services

Low Cost  Mediation Services

Peace Talks Mediation Services offers a sliding scale for couples who earn less than $100,000 (total) and who have less than $200,000 in net assets.  There is also a “mediator in training” program with significantly reduced fees for couples who can’t afford the sliding scale and who don’t mind working with less experienced mediators.  (310) 301-2100 or PeaceTalksLA@aol.com

Couples can contact Family Court Services for a free mediation appointment by calling (213) 974-5524.  In most cases, they do not need to be involved in a court proceeding to make use of this service. 

Center for Civic Mediation (213) 896-6533. Offices available in Santa Monica as well as downtown.

Jewish Family Services: (877) 275 – 4537

Contact mediation clinics: Pepperdine’s Straus Institute (mostly civil harassment but it’s worth asking) (310) 506-4266

Loyola Law School’s mediation clinic:  (213) 736-1145

Southwestern Law School’s mediation clinic:  (213) 738-5710

Search on www.mediate.com.  Ask if mediators have a sliding scale.  There are more trained mediators than there are cases so there are plenty of talented people with extra time on their calendars.  If there’s a particular situation going on that might persuade a mediator to take a case pro bono or at a reduced fee, mention it.  Who could turn down a family who lost a son in Iraq, for example, but who can only pay half fee?

Southern California Mediation Association members may offer sliding scale mediation:   866-440-7880

A Google search of free mediation services included the LA City Attorney’s office and some community mediation programs:

County of Los Angeles Human Relations Commission/ Dispute Resolution Program

3175 West 6th Street, Room 406

Los Angeles, CA 90020-1798

TEL: (213) 738-2621

FAX: (213) 386-3995

 

Asian Pacific American Dispute Resolution Center

Charles Chang, Executive Director

1145 Wilshire Boulevard, Suite 100

Los Angeles, CA 90017

TEL: (213) 250-8190

FAX: (213) 250-8195

 

California Academy of Mediation Professionals

Mariam Zadeh, Director

16501 Ventura Blvd., Suite 606

Encino, CA 91436

TEL: (818) 377-7250

FAX: (818) 784-1836

 

Center for Conflict Resolution

Chris Welch, Director

Executive Director, Timothy Pownall

7806 Reseda Blvd.

Reseda, CA 91355

TEL: (818) 705-1090 or

(800) 572-9017

 

Centinela Youth Services, City of Hawthorne

Mrs. Cyd Spikes, OPS Mgr., Jan Vogel, Executive Director,

11539 Hawthorne Blvd., 5th Floor

Hawthorne, CA 90250

TEL: (310) 970-7702

FAX: (310) 675-2300

 

Korean American Coalition, 4.29 Center

Grace Yoo, Executive Director or

Brian Ryoo, Director of DRP

3727 W. 6th St., Suite 515

TEL: (213) 383-4290

 

Office of the Los Angeles City Attorney

Dispute Resolution Program

312 South Hill Street, 2nd Floor

Los Angeles, CA 90013

(213) 485-8324

Fax (213) 485-8565

 

Low Cost Attorney Options

• Levitt and Quinn Family Law Center http://www.levittquinn.org
• Los Angeles County Bar Association Lawyer Referrals (213) 627-2727
• Beverly Hills Bar Association Lawyer Referrals (310) 553-4022
• Harriet Buhai Center www.hbcfl.org  (213) 388-7515.  Harriet Buhai Center offers all kinds of programs and legal help

 

Why Your Kids Will Thank You for Mediating Your Divorce

Why Your Kids will Thank you for Mediating

By Alan Brady, guest blogger

 

Finding a way to share custody of childrenafter a divorce can be an incredibly difficult task. In an ideal situation, each parent will behave with maturity and reason, focusing solely on the needs of the child or children involved and honestly acknowledging the contributions and value of the other. Unfortunately, the ideal is a rarity, and far too often pride and resentment distort our perception of reality, painting our former spouse as unworthy of parenthood.

When a marriage ends and there are children involved, we as parents have a couple of choices. We can go to court, which will be a lengthy, expensive, and hostile process, and the result will be the non-negotiable order of a judge. The alternative is mediation, a process that will encourage both parents to work together to find an effective and healthy agreement that puts the well-being of the child or children first.

At its core, mediation is a conversation. It is a collaborative decision-making process facilitated by an expert and disinterested third party. A trial or hearing, on the other hand, is by its very nature a confrontation. Representatives from each side of a conflict battle it out, each trying to show that they are on the side of reason and that their opponent cannot be believed or trusted. When this process centers on a child custody dispute, it can become even more cutthroat and desperate, and the person who will suffer most is the child in question.

                During a divorce, it is often tempting for parents to get entirely too focused on their own wants and needs. It’s easy to understand how this might happen. For most people, the end of a marriage is a difficult and painful decision. Hurt feelings, regret, and resentment can overwhelm the best of intentions. Still, it is important to remember that as parents, we have a greater responsibility than ensuring our own happiness or punishing the person who has broken our heart.

                While it may be easy to get wrapped up in the idea of walking away and going back to life as it was before marriage, the unavoidable truth is that you can divorce a spouse, but not a family. As long as there is a child in your life, you will be inextricably bound to this person you’re trying so hard to separate yourself from. The more spiteful and mean you are to each other now, the more difficult it will be adjusting to the new form your relationship and family take going forward.

                In mediation, the goal is always to reach the outcome that will most benefit the child. To that end, there is no blame assigned during mediation and no rehashing of old mistakes and disappointments. The mediator should never take sides or allow the conversation to focus on the past. The intention of this process goes beyond creating a schedule for custody. It should also aid former spouses in creating a functional working relationship that will enable them to communicate effectively and parent consistently.

                No matter how commonplace an occurrence it has become, ultimately, children are affected by their parents’ divorce. The sudden change in family and home life can be difficult and even traumatic for the youngest members of the family. Courtroom custody disputes add a level of uncertainty and helplessness to all parties involved. Choosing mediation keeps the childcare decisions in the hands of the parents and ensures that a conversation and collaboration occurs, rather than a fight.

                We cannot always be the best versions of ourselves. Sometimes we are petty, selfish, or immature. It is important to protect your children from the stress and trauma of watching their parents fight constant, bitter battles over every little thing that come up. Beginning your new life apart with mediation instead of a courtroom dispute will help you and your ex to remain calm and civil during your future interactions, and this will help your children to know that they are still a part of a family, even if it has changed.

 

Author Info:

Alan Brady is a writer who uses personal experience as inspiration to write about family, law, and business practices. He currently writes for Attorneys.com which locates local child custody lawyers.

Join Us for Divorce Options Every 1st Tuesday!

Peace of Mind Collaborative and the Los Angeles Collaborative Family Law Association are pleased to present a community-based series of Divorce Options™ Workshops.

 

Led by Peace Talks Mediation’s own Stephanie Maloney, the workshop provides an essential service for everyone facing the complexities of separation and divorce. Many people contemplating divorce aren't aware that there are several options available, and that these options have very different costs -- both in terms of actually money spent as well as emotional cost. Workshop participants learn about the various divorce processes so that they can choose which one is best for their situation.  An essential part of this program is letting people know about resources and options to divorce and separate which are supportive of the family and the children.

Divorce Options Workshops are useful for both homosexual and heterosexual married couples and state registered domestic partners.  Couples who are living together or who share children without being married or registered can also benefit from attending the workshop.

Divorce Options outlines the legal, financial, personal and family issues which often come up in a divorce.  The material is presented in a logical and compassionate way. Divorce Options workshops are led by multi-disciplinary teams of lawyers, accountants, Certified Divorce Financial Analysts and mental health professionals so that workshop participants get a 360 view of the process. 

The workshops help participants make informed, thoughtful decisions when facing a divorce.  In addition, Divorce Options explores the differences between self representation, mediation, collaborative divorce and litigated divorce.

Reviews of the Divorce Options Workshops indicate that participants feel empowered to make a more informed decision regarding how they conduct their divorce. Print or download a copy of the Divorce Options brochure click here.  http://www.cpcal.com/FTPCPCal/Divorce%20Options%20Brochure.pdf

Divorce Options of Culver City/Santa Monica meets every first Tuesday at 6:30pm at the YWCA Santa Monica/Westside, located at 2019 14th Street in Santa Monica. If you have any questions feel free to contact Stephanie Maloney at 310-301-2100.

Divorce Wisdom: A Thank You Note to my Former Husband

Divorce Wisdom:

A Thank You Note to my Former Husband

 

While it’s tempting to just remember the bad parts of your marriage, especially when you’re in the middle of your divorce, it’s also important to remember what you learned from each other, and what you gave to each other when the marriage was good.

I’ve started reading the Modern Love column in the New York Times Style section. and it got me thinking about my former husband.

While things ended badly, as they so often do in the demise of a relationship, there’s also plenty to be thankful for.

I met Bill through a personal ad back when personal ads appeared in print.  He, recently divorced, went to a Learning Annex class on how to meet new people, and the class homework was to do something you’d never think of doing to meet someone. So he answered a personal ad.  Mine.

We were married 5 weeks later.

We spent the next 4 years having the time of our lives, renovating our broken down 1730 farmhouse, and growing up together.  Our professional day jobs gave way to creativity with a good dose of mischief when the quitting bell rang.

So thank you, Bill, for teaching me how to use power tools.  I never would’ve imagined installing electrical wiring, cedar shingling a roof, or stripping 200 years of shellac off of woodwork.

Thanks, too for teaching me it’s possible to cook without a cookbook. Your hot dog burritos were excellent, as was your ravioli pizza. And the night you wanted dessert and wowed our housemates with chocolate mousse from scratch was pretty amazing.  We never had much money, but we always ate well, even if the ingredients were organ meats, freezer burned piecrust, instant mashed potatoes and leftover dip.

 

I’ll always be grateful that our lack of money never ruined anything.   When the refrigerator bit the dust and we had to keep our food in the snow outside the backdoor, it seemed like an adventure, not a hardship.  When our first Christmas gift to each other was $1500 in bounced check fees, we laughed and booked a wallpapering job to pay it back.

You taught me that no matter what other people are doing, you can be happy.  Remember fastidious Donald, our moonlighting home decorating business’s biggest client?  He could pick out a pinpoint of missed paint behind his armoire at 40 paces. “What happened to Donald’s plant? It looks dead,” I asked. “It probably smothered in Liquid Gold,” you responded as Donald asked us to re-do something else that didn’t need to be redone.

You taught me that everything is fixable, and everything has a solution. I learned that when you installed a new sink without turning off the water first.  Measure once, cut twice, but it still works out, even if the bathroom turns into Dunns River Falls in the process.

So there were plenty of good times.  I have a lot to be thankful for during those years. 

Bill and I got divorced before I even knew what mediation was, but thanks to a sensible friend (thanks, Cliff) we resolved everything in a way that made sense to everyone.  And things have worked out fine.

The fight where Bill said, “You’re never going to finish that book!” was exactly what it took to make me finish that book. Your Divorce Advisor was published by Simon & Schuster in 2001.  And I followed that up with Making Divorce Work in 2010.

You taught me not to let anything stand in my way.  Bill never let something small like not knowing how to play guitar stand in the way of him starting a band, and ultimately being invited to play in a Captain Beefheart festival in Europe.  He now runs an annual art festival in New Haven.   When he ran for mayor, and crashed the debates, the hostile incumbent complimented Bill on his speech, simultaneously appalled and mystified at his eloquence, Bill responded, “I’m crazy, not stupid.”

And when the newspaper called me for comment, while it was at first tempting to let fly with everything that had gone wrong between us (which is what the paper was after, I’m sure), I realized that the reason Bill was running for mayor is that he believed in local government as a voice for the people, and that the current administration wasn’t listening to its constituents, and that his campaign was meant to bring attention to that.

So even our post divorce has been pretty good. And Bill’s leaving the marriage allowed me to go on to have the marriage I was meant to have, and which has now lasted 14 years, over twice the length of my marriage to Bill.   So even getting ditched was, in the end, a blessing.

Now it’s your turn to write your own thank you note.

 

Diana Mercer is an Attorney-Mediator and the founder of Peace Talks Mediation Services, www.peace-talks.com. She is the co-author of Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life (Penguin/Perigee 2010), Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001) and 8 Simple Keys to Building and Growing Your Mediation or Arbitration Practice (Peace Talks Press 2011). Diana also writes for the Huffington Post as well as her own blog Making Divorce Work.